i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
