Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Randomize
