had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
