K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
What a dumb baby whore.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I enjoy the company of your penis
Randomize
