I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
