He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
