You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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