I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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