We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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