I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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