I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
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I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
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You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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