Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
