The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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