Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
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