I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
