he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
