When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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