I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
