closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
