took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
