i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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