The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
