That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
