Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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