I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
