I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
