sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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