he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I wear drunk well.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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