The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
