I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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