I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
