Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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