either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Walk of Shame today included voting.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
