Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
