And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
They should really pass out barf bags in church
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
