Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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