i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
she peed on how many people?
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Randomize
