I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
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