I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
