Ambien. No doubt about it.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
you will always have a special place in my vag
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Randomize
