at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
