we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
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Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
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we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
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