I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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