Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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