Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
