I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
