I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
How does it feel to date your dad?
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
