My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
