so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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