Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
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