Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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