I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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