...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
