I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
