y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
