I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Randomize
