I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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