hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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