drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
