His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
