I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
tell your sister to shave her snatch
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
