I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Randomize
