I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
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