He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
