i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
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just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
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As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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