Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
