the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I could have mohawked her pubes.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
