I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
i think my cat just said my name.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
is that a dick in a sweater?
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
