ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
