I want to have your abortion
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
