I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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