She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
