kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
