Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
