I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
